IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree. #people #

#people #government #focus #pollution #illness #disease
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many individuals believe that
government
Use synonyms
 should focus on abating
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 and housing problems which help
people
Use synonyms
 to prevent many
diseases
Use synonyms
 and illnesses. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
show examples
 my own view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is admittedly true that many
diseases
Use synonyms
 were started
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 housing. In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are going
Verb problem
have become
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
careless about their lifestyle which
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
Add a comma
cause,
show examples
cause
Correct your spelling
case
show examples
 many
diseases
Use synonyms
 were increased at present time.
This
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is not only an individual
problem
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 a society and nation.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
has become increased
Wrong verb form
is increasing
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 which is
also
Linking Words
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 mankind. Frequently,
people
Use synonyms
are throw
Change the verb form
are throwing
are thrown
show examples
 they are housing
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 on
roadside
Add an article
the roadside
show examples
 or other places where they live. It is not only harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 society but
also
Linking Words
 harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 are able to
reducing
Change the verb
reduce
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 and housing
problem
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it is possible to prevent many
diseases
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
according
Change preposition
in
show examples
 to
last
Linking Words
 10 years, in
Bangladesh
Add a comma
Bangladesh,
show examples
 more than 5,000
people
Use synonyms
 died
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 cholera dengue and malaria every year. In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 started to campaign against those
diseases
Use synonyms
 and
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing that
problem
Use synonyms
 which outcome is positive for
people
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should aware
people
Use synonyms
 so that they
were
Verb problem
can
show examples
 abate
pollution
Use synonyms
,
otherwise
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 will
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
. If an authority focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 solving
pollution
Use synonyms
 and housing
problem
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 we can prevent
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of disease.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
pollution
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and housing
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
has become
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 season many
diseases
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 increase so if
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 would focus
those
Change preposition
on those
show examples
 problems
then
Linking Words
 they can prevent a lot of
diseases
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by muhammadnaim194196 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues in the development and organization of ideas that need improvement.
Task Achievement
The response provides a complete and relevant answer to the task, presenting clear ideas and supported points. However, there are areas where the ideas could be developed further and linked more effectively to the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: