IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some culture, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#culture #children #work #message
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Hard
work
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 is the key to success. It is commonly believed that encouraging
children
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for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 hard
work
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 will
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to
their
Change the word
a
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 successful life. In my
opinion
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,opinion
show examples
 there are
procs
Correct your spelling
pros
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 and cons of
this
Linking Words
 scenario which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, in some cultures of the world parents and guardians start motivating their
children
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
theor
Correct your spelling
an
 early age to
work
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 hard
for achieving
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to achieve
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 their goals.
This
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 makes them
to
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apply
show examples
use their potential
as well as
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 power in the right direction. There are
less distraction
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fewer distractions
show examples
in
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on
show examples
 their way to success and they remain focused. Through
this
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 motivation, they develop the habit of doing their
work
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Change preposition
on
show examples
at
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on
show examples
 their own whether it
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 easy or tough for them. It
enhance
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enhances
show examples
 the
will power
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willpower
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 of the
children
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.
However
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, sometimes pushing the child towards hard
work
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 may
leads
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lead
show examples
 to
downgrade
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a downgrade
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their
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in their
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 level of performance. For
intance
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instance
: -
a
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apply
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research
in
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cambridge
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Cambridge
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 university
forund
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found
 that when
hard working
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hard-working
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children
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did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not get
their
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apply
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favourable results, it
make
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makes
show examples
 them feel low. It is
also
Linking Words
 observed that it
adversly
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adversely
 affects
thier
Correct your spelling
their
metal
Correct your spelling
mental
show examples
 state of mind. In conclusion, hard
work
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 not
always
Rephrase
only
show examples
 leads to achievements in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life but
also
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 there is another side of it which will have
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on the
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 97deeparsh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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