IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of momey. Governments must invest money in public services instead. To what extend, do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #momey #governments #money #services
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Countries around the globe are usually governed by a set of rules, which are implemented by their governments most of the time. There are some individuals who believe that governments should invest the collected taxes in the arts,
such
Linking Words
 as music and theatre. But, few individuals think that these authorities who collect money to run a state must invest the same in public
services
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
. I agree with the latter statement and I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 in the following essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, any state that wishes to have a healthy and safe environment for its citizens needs to build better
services
Use synonyms
 for them.
In other words
Linking Words
, they must come up with ideas to build new hospitals, schools and other welfare community
services
Use synonyms
 that a normal citizen can easily avail.
For example
Linking Words
, a person who has a low income and one of his family members is suffering from some illness and he wants the patient to receive a good healthcare facility which is provided at fewer prices in government-owned hospitals.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, those humans who think that the authorities must spend on arts
instead
Linking Words
 need to understand that when a person does not feel good and is not in good health can never enjoy the benefits provided by the art sector.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these departments are usually funded by private organisations
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
have enough money to run themselves in good conditions and do not require any extra help from state authorities. In conclusion, I would argue that the lawmakers of any nation must make laws that support the idea of promoting in creating
services
Use synonyms
 for the public at large
instead
Linking Words
 of the opposite. I believe that a healthy nation can grow more than one suffering from different ailments.
Submitted by resume2012principal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: