IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In some culture, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#culture #children #work #message
It is often considered that youngsters are motivated that they can achieve anything in
life
 if they
work
 with dedication and study hard.
This
 essay will examine the merits and demerits of telling
this
 to
children
. First and foremost, there are numerous advantages of telling
children
 that they can achieve anything they want. The first reason is that they try to become more confident about their dreams.They tend to
work
 day and night in order to achieve their goals.
As a result
, they achieve their goals and feel elated.
For example
, a child who is already very demotivated by his consistent failure does not have any motivation in
life
, but if his parents give him hope that he can do it he remains consistent and dedicated.
This
 creates a sense of positivity in that child and he starts thinking that he can
also
 achieve anything he desires. Another thing is that many
children
 who are being told that they can do anything they want in
life
 become more optimistic towards anything they encounter. They see positivity in everything, even if
such
children
 fail they still remain positive and hope that they can do it.
Moreover
,
along with
 advantages,there are some disadvantages as well. The two disadvantages are when
children
 are being told they can expect anything from
life
, but when these
children
 fail they become heartless and they easily lose hope.
This
 is a major disadvantage that usually leads to depression in kids because parents make their minds to expect more and more from their lives. Another reason is that many
children
 take
this
 very seriously and
work
 extremely hard in order to achieve their goals.
However
, they forget that it is more crucial to
work
 smartly rather than just
work
 hard. In
this
 way, they tend to focus on quantity and think that they have already done so much.
Hence
, these
children
 should focus more on the quality of
work
 and
work
 smartly.
To conclude
,
although
 there are certain disadvantages to telling
children
 that they can do anything, it has an extremely positive impact on
children
. I believe that the benefits of
this
 outweigh its drawbacks.
Submitted by tania4malik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: