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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two pie charts illustrate why British do migration to and from during a question period.

The two pie charts illustrate why British do migration to and from during a question period.
The given pie charts provide information about the British and the reasons why they migrated to or from the UK in 2007. In the first pie,
people
Use synonyms
 who
immigrate
Use synonyms
 for definite jobs dominate the chart
as well as
Linking Words
 in the second one.After the
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to
immigrate
Use synonyms
 for definite jobs, they are followed by
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to
immigrate
Use synonyms
 for formal studies,despite that in the second chart for emigration there is an enormous change as the
people
Use synonyms
 who emigrate for formal studies are a few ones,
also
Linking Words
 there is a slight increase in
people
Use synonyms
 who emigrate for work than
immigrate
Use synonyms
 for work.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,there is
also
Linking Words
 a huge comparison between
people
Use synonyms
 who
immigrate
Use synonyms
 for no reason stated and
people
Use synonyms
 who emigrate for no reason stated. As we can see in 2007 the
people
Use synonyms
 who chose to
immigrate
Use synonyms
 or emigrate to the UK were almost the same, the difference is one per cent as the results are 30% , and 29% respectively. The most important feature is that
people
Use synonyms
 who
immigrate
Use synonyms
 for formal studies are 26%,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who emigrate are only 4%.
Also
Linking Words
, there is a slight increase for folks who emigrate for work having 22% ,
while
Linking Words
 on the other ,side it is only 12%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, immigrate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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