IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People have different views on whether extending workers’ legislated working
time
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 is beneficial to those states or not. I believe that it would facilitate the growth of the economy to some extent.
However
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, the detrimental impacts on citizens’ lives should not be overlooked.
Thus
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, I agree with the mentioned proposal. On the one hand, the need for the employees to work for long
hours
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 would benefit the nations in finance.
To begin
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 with, the nations that require the workers to maintain the working status for a longer
time
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 would have sufficient products compared with those that have shorter
hours
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.
Besides
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, the factories would allocate less money to the costs of labourers like welfare, healthcare and the expenses of job training. With
such
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 lower costs on employees and superior capacity of productivity, those countries would be the ideal places for foreign companies to invest and
then
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 the amount of job opportunities will be offered to the citizens.
Lastly
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, longer working
hours
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 mean that the labourers possess higher disposable incomes would in return stimulate the economy.
For example
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, they have more money to enable their families to experience better service in various social systems
such
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 as the medical
system
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, educational
system
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 and transportation
system
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, which enhance their sense of well-being.
On the other hand
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, mandating longer working
time
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 to the society would inflict harm on the residents.
Firstly
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, the working
system
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 which sacrifices the workers’ personal
time
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 would impair the cohesion among their families since the extra
hours
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 taken up by the workload should have been spent on taking care of families and they are absent from significant family moments as well.
Secondly
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, the social atmosphere can be unstable and the workers who suffer from the extensive working
hours
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 get ignited easily.
Finally
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, with the negative emotions in the long run, the employees’ health may be destroyed physically and mentally, which places great pressure on the medical
system
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.
For instance
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, a form of obesity
as a consequence
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 of depression from long-
time
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 work contributes to a series of illnesses and is detrimental to their
overall
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 health. In conclusion, longer working
hours
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 can boost the economy and facilitate the growth of revenue,
whereas
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 the disadvantages for society are too apparent to be ignored.

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task response
Task Response: The response provides a clear opinion on the topic and effectively addresses both sides of the argument with supporting examples. There is a balanced consideration of the advantages and disadvantages of longer working hours.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with a well-organized introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The use of transition words effectively connects ideas within and between sentences. However, some parts could benefit from stronger linkers and clearer progression of ideas.
lexical resource
Lexical Resource: The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, and the ideas are conveyed with clarity. However, there is room for improvement by incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and sentence structure, with a variety of complex and simple sentences. However, there are instances of errors in subject-verb agreement and word choices that could be improved for greater accuracy and fluency.
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