IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to teach chikdren to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#chikdren #team #sports #school
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Teamwork allows the younger generation to grow their collaboration skills.
Although
 team
sports
 at school could be the best example for cooperating, other fields
such
 as academic
clubs
also
 could be supportable. Children are able to improve their ability to work in a group at
sports
 competitions which are provided by schools
,
Remove the comma
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 since they would have a simple aim which is to be a winner. They will be taught how to communicate in the stadium and work out smoothly in order to win the race.
Moreover
, they
also
 will need to feel themselves as in a family to become both more productive and closer which
also
 increases cooperation.
For example
, when there are
sports
 competitions at schools, younger are trained not only physically but
also
 mentally through discussions to be able to pass balls through plans and the conversations that have been already done.
Thus
, working
as well as
 practising with athletes at school are supportable for developing collaboration.
While
sports
 could be advisable for pupils to establish cooperation with each other, academic
clubs
 could be more beneficial. There they will spend most part of their time table discussing the same scientific topics and trying to find solutions for tasks. Since individuals take part in a group more quickly when they talk about something and share their ideas, It would be more effective to choose for applicants to speak rather than act in sport.
For example
, when academic
clubs
 are organized, they spend hours by doing brainstorming and sharing ideas for difficult tasks, which allows them to cooperate with each other.
Therefore
, applicants should prefer scientific
clubs
 rather than
sports
.
To conclude
, taking part in
sports
 teams will not be as effective as
clubs
 where students will more talk rather than do physical activities.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Consider clearly stating your position on the prompt in your introduction and ensure your conclusion aligns with this. Currently, the introduction and conclusion seem slightly detached from each other.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph is focusing on a specific point and that points are logically ordered. Also, use clear topic sentences for better readability.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which adds strength to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-connected within paragraphs using good transitions, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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