Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The great majority of people are always faced
the
dilemma of whether Change preposition
with the
get
a higher education or Fix the infinitive
to get
trying
to get a job. I would say that deciding what is better for Wrong verb form
try
prosperous
career depends on our own profession
On the one hand, students can attain better results after practising during their university time. Correct article usage
a prosperous
For instance
, it is impossible to become a doctor without education or to be a pilot without knowledge as well. Furthermore
, it is commonly believed that people with degree
will Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
succed
later Correct your spelling
succeed
due to
their specialization. As a
result
many doctors, Add a comma
result,
engeneers
, Correct your spelling
engineers
lawyers
have Correct word choice
and lawyers
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
salary
, though it is not Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
everythere
. If we compare countries like USA and Kazakhstan, we will see tremendous Correct your spelling
everywhere
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
Correct your spelling
between
beetween
wages
On Correct your spelling
between
other
hand, Correct article usage
the other
reason
to start working after school is Add an article
a reason
the reason
also
tempting. In order to make many young generation starts to work immediately. It seems that because of their rebellious nature
they just want to be independent, but that's not always the case. A lot of us just don't see the point of four or more years of learning Add a comma
nature,
as well as
passing exams and paper work
. Music, IT, art and other occupations do not need educational background. To illustrate the point of Correct your spelling
paperwork
this
idea we need to recall the many examples of stars, inventors and other succesful
people in our world. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Correct your spelling
successful
Mark
Zuckerberg are good examples of Correct word choice
and Mark
such
humans. Nevertheless
, turning to their profession, it is obvious that without knowledge in their field, they will not achieve so unbelievable goals
In conclusion, despite society has
different views, I suppose that it would be better for all of us to choose our path Wrong verb form
having
independantly
. You can work after schoolCorrect your spelling
independently
,
if you have an ability and desire for it or you can improve your skills and try to do it later on.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by aida.ai2000 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks in providing relevant specific examples to support the main points. Make sure to effectively illustrate your points with concrete examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the logical structure of the essay is generally clear. However, the essay lacks coherence and cohesion in linking ideas and using transition words effectively. Make sure to use cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your ideas.