Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The great majority of people are always faced
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
dilemma of whether
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
a higher education or
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
to get a job. I would say that deciding what is better for 
prosperous
Correct article usage
a prosperous
show examples
career depends on our own profession     On the one hand, students can attain better results after practising during their university time.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is impossible to become a doctor without education or to be a pilot without knowledge as well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is commonly believed that people with
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
will
succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
later
due to
Linking Words
their specialization.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
many doctors,
engeneers
Correct your spelling
engineers
,
lawyers
Correct word choice
and lawyers
show examples
have
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, though it is not
everythere
Correct your spelling
everywhere
. If we compare countries like USA and Kazakhstan, we will see tremendous
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
Correct your spelling
between
beetween
Correct your spelling
between
 wages      On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand,
reason
Add an article
a reason
the reason
show examples
to start working after school is
also
Linking Words
 tempting. In order to make many young generation starts to work immediately. It seems that because of  their rebellious
nature
Add a comma
nature,
show examples
they just want to be independent, but that's not always the case. A lot of us just don't see the point of four or more years of learning
as well as
Linking Words
passing exams and
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
show examples
. Music, IT, art and other occupations do not need educational background. To illustrate the point of
this
Linking Words
idea we need to recall the many examples of stars, inventors and other
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
people in our world. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates,
Mark
Correct word choice
and Mark
show examples
Zuckerberg are good examples of
such
Linking Words
humans.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, turning to their profession, it is obvious that without knowledge in their field, they will not achieve so unbelievable goals     In conclusion, despite society
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
different views, I suppose that it would be better for all of us to choose our path
independantly
Correct your spelling
independently
. You can work after school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if you have an ability and desire for it or you can improve your skills and try to do it later on.
Submitted by aida.ai2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks in providing relevant specific examples to support the main points. Make sure to effectively illustrate your points with concrete examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the logical structure of the essay is generally clear. However, the essay lacks coherence and cohesion in linking ideas and using transition words effectively. Make sure to use cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: