IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: More and more people today want to own famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #brands #clothes #cars #items #development
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In recent years,
people
 have desired to have some luxury
products
 that are expensive
such
 as sports cars, watches, and lance. In my opinion, having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products
 like fancy cars or bags can show the social status of a person,
for instance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
superstars or successful businessmen always drive sports cars
instead
 of SUVs. It can show
people
 their financial background and make
people
 believe that
people
 who own those expensive things are able to cooperate with many businesses with them.
Therefore
, buying some fancy clothes or
jewlry
Correct your spelling
jewellery
 can
also
 make them feel happy to continue working because they are satisfied with their afford on career and buy those
products
 is a bonus to motivate themselves.
On the other hand
, it may be a bad sample for children,
in addition
, a child grows up in a rich family and gets familiar with fancy clothes and items that make the kid not have the concept of the
finicial
Correct your spelling
financial
. Kids might get into trouble because of wearing
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
 backpacks or clothes
such
 as
kidnap
Add a missing verb
being kidnap
show examples
 or
threaten
Wrong verb form
threatened
show examples
 by the
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 kids.
Therefore
, some
people
 may get to know bad friends
due to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 things they wear and cause unreturnable events
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
such
 as drug or alcohol addiction. In conclusion, I believe that having some fancy
products
 can motivate
people
 to work on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 goals and continue putting effort into their careers or programs;
however
, there are
also
 some drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it. We still have to be concerned about why we decide to buy the
products
.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Also, make sure to address all parts of the prompt in a clear and structured manner.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the organization of your essay by using clear topic sentences in each paragraph. Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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