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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, the differences in ages between parents and children are greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of the development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, numerous individuals in several nations, people want to get married later because of that,
they
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the
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 and their
children
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's
age
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 gaps are greater than in the past. There are some disadvantages in
this
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 situation, but personally, I believe there are more advantages and I will elaborate on them in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, these days, the global economic states are deteriorating so, in some countries people decide to get married later.
As a result
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, their
children
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 are born late, and their
age
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 gaps are wider.
For example
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, if their
children
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 go to school, their
parents
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 are older than other kid's
parents
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 so, their
children
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 feel sad and some juveniles make a joke about those kinds of
children
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.
Moreover
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, when mothers and fathers play with their offspring, they are quickly exhausted because of their
age
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as well as
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 stamina.
In addition
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, a few communities think that their relationship must be grandfather and grandmother and grandkid and their young ones feel very sad.
On the other hand
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, If guardians and their kids have greater
age
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 differences there are some benefits. Old
parents
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 have a lot of experience so that they teach their
children
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 how to live in societies and some skills.
For instance
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, my friend
who
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apply
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has aged
parents
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, they has a professional jobs so my friend decided to follow their jobs and they led my friend to be a doctor.
Consequently
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, he says it is good for my life because my birthgivers give me their encounters.
Therefore
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, the greater
age
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 difference is a good phenomenon in some communities. In conclusion, I strongly believe that old
parents
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 things have pros and cons and I strongly believe there are more advantages in
this
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 topic.
Although
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 giving birth later depends on people's decisions, we should not care about the
age
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 difference. Because the world situation is changed
hence
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 we ought to think more good way.

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task response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of the development outlined in the prompt, but the discussion on each aspect is not evenly balanced. Try to give more equal weight to both the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more distinct and engaging. The essay would benefit from a clear and more impactful introduction that sets the stage for the discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
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