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Band 6

People have little understanding of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world?

#people #importance #world
These
days
, many
people
 do not fully comprehend how absolutely important
nature
 is for the existence of human beings.
This
 essay will discuss some reasons why
people
 do not understand its
importance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and some ways they can learn more about it. In modern societies, most
people
 have a severe lack of understanding when it comes to the role that
nature
 plays in their lives, and
this
 can be attributed to a number of reasons.
Firstly
, most modern
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 these
days
 are nothing more than concrete jungles, devoid of any significant amount of
nature
.
As a consequence
,
people
 are not close to
nature
 and
therefore
 do not appreciate or understand its significance. Kids these
days
 spend their free time playing computer games or staring at a smartphone or TV screen,
while
 adults are endlessly working or pursuing other leisure activities, which tends to disconnect them from the natural world. Another possible reason for
this
 lack of understanding may be that it is not taught in schools.
For example
, biology is not one of the subjects that
holds
Change the verb form
hold
show examples
 great
importance
 in most schools these
days
.
However
, there are various solutions to
this
 problem.
Firstly
,
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 need to become greener. Local governments need to incorporate larger green spaces into
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 so that
people
 are encouraged to spend more time in
nature
 on a daily basis. The streets must be lined with trees, and there must be large parks in every single neighbourhood.
Furthermore
, there must be large communal spaces where
people
 can learn about gardening and growing food.
In addition
, and most importantly, children need to be taught about the
importance
 of
nature
 in school.
Such
 subjects need to be a compulsory part of every child’s education in order to ensure that future generations are well aware of the
importance
 of
nature
 and how to live in harmony with it. In conclusion, being close to
nature
 and learning about it in school or
elsewhere
 is of vital
importance
 to future generations. Without a deep understanding and appreciation of
nature
Add a comma
nature,
show examples
 the human race will face catastrophic consequences.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to enrich your essay. While the content is solid, more complex structures could further enhance its quality.
Task Achievement
Including more specific examples and data to support your points could strengthen your argument. Concrete examples make your claims more convincing.
Structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Coherence
You've done an excellent job maintaining coherence throughout the essay, connecting ideas logically and smoothly.
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with comprehensive details and explanations that make your position clear.
Critical Thinking
Efficiently included solutions in response to the problems, demonstrating strong critical thinking skills.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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