Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people may say that the elder should live at a senior house,

while

others argue that living with family members would be a better choice. In my opinion, I agree with the former, and I will explain the idea in

this

essay.

To begin

with, it's undeniable that elderly parents are more willing to spend time with their families and reluctant to live in senior homes. With family member's company, they feel more happier and have more positive attitudes toward the world.

However

, despite the fact that family members can give their grandparents a sense of beloved, they can't reverse the aging process of a person and handle complicated healthcare issues. Take my friend's grandfather

for instance

, he broke his legs in a car accident when he was 75. Since that time, his grandfather can't go anywhere without a wheelchair and other people's assistance. That caused a huge burden on family members' shoulders because of the lack of workforce. In the end, they decided to send his grandfather to a nursing house. Now they meet him every weekend and endure less pressure than before.

Besides

the benefit aforementioned, there are

also

other advantages to making the elderly live at a senior house.

Firstly

, nursing houses employ professional nurses and caregivers, they know how to deal with health problems properly.

For example

, nurses know how to place, clean, and use an oral feeding tube , but

that is

not a skill the public has. Second of all, senior homes provide a more convenient and safe environment for livers compared to high-floor apartments without elevators.

Last

but not least, volunteers, charities, and community groups held activities at nursing houses regularly. It's better for the elderly to participate in several activities and interact with other people, rather than stay at home and watch TV alone.

To sum up

although

we all hope that our elder parents keep decent health and company with us. We have to realise that providing them better elder-friendly environment should be the top priority when it comes to related issues.

Hence

, I totally

agree

Add the preposition

agree on

agree to

agree with

show examples

the argument that elderly parents ought to live in senior homes.

Submitted by ba06109071 on Thu Aug 31 2023

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task response

Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant reasons to support your opinion. However, there are areas where the coherence and cohesion could be improved.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. You've provided supporting points and examples, but there is room to improve the flow of ideas and the transition between paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

357 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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