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Band 4.5

some people spend most of their live living close to where they born. what might be th easons? what are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #easons
Some Individuals claim that many people prefer to live nearby to their native area where they
took
Verb problem
were
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 birth. They are so connected to their roots
as
Correct word choice
that
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 they don’t want to leave that
place
 where their ancestor spent their whole life.
This
 essay will lead to both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of
this
 view and will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 the following paragraph. The primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
 statement is that many persons love their homeland as their perception is
too
Correct your spelling
to
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 never leave
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 birthplace which
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
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 them an opportunity to grow and
helped
Wrong verb form
helps
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 to
improves
Wrong verb form
improve
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 their internal and outer skills for
getting
Verb problem
apply
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success in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Over time, they build connections. These networks render social support,
opportunities
Correct word choice
and opportunities
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 for
collaborations
Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
show examples
. The positive side of living close to the
place
 where they
brought
Add a missing verb
were brought
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 up is,
some
Correct word choice
that some
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 tend to feel comfortable and secure near their family surroundings. Staying close to the near and dear
one
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ones
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 provides
sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of belonging and
deep
Correct article usage
a deep
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 connection to the local community and culture. Not only it
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 to determine the strong support system of
family’s
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families
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 during needy time
such
 as illness, emergencies, or other challenges but
also
increase
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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strengthen the bond.
On the other hand
, there is another side
of
Change preposition
to
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coin
Add an article
the coin
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, there are various disadvantages to support
this
believe
Replace the word
belief
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, staying in
familiar
Correct article usage
a familiar
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place
 might not give them an opportunity to grow and widen
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 connections earlier which were limited to only local ones. Your experience won’t help to get more exposure,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is not useful to potentially grow in personal and professional terms.
Moreover
, staying in
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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place
 will not lead to
successful
Add an article
a successful
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 career, as one may not receive good opportunities to broaden their horizons professionally as limited options will not be helpful for
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 development.
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
, some
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 to live near
the
Change the word
their
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 birthplace because of family ties, cultural identity, emotional attachment and strong
Fix the agreement mistake
community’
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communities’
Change noun form
communities
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 networks,
while
 living in
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
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 of the countries which helps them to explore more and
will
Verb problem
apply
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have more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 in terms of lifestyle and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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good career growth.
Submitted by manpreetcanada90 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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