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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004 5

The graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004 5
#passenger #railway #journeys #britain
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The given line graph will investigate three
railway
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
 and examine how many people commute using the following transportation mode in Great Britain over a fifty-five-year
period
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. We can divide the
railway
Use synonyms
 system into three categories; the National
rail
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network
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, the
London
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 Underground and Light
rail
Use synonyms
 & and metro
systems
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is quite evident that the National
rail
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network
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 and the
London
Use synonyms
 Underground remain popular options for
passengers
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 throughout the time
period
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the Light
rail
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 & and metro
systems
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 have remained unpopular since 1965.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the National
rail
Use synonyms
network
Use synonyms
 has the highest figure of 1000 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
 travelling in 1950,
while
Linking Words
 the
London
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 underground consists of 750 million. The two
railway
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 modes witnessed identical increases in growth and fluctuations up until the 1980s
,
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apply
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 when
London
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's underground's growth exceeded the National
Railway
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's
passengers
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 for the first time after five years. Following a decline around the
90s
Correct your spelling
'90s
,
this
Linking Words
 incremental growth has allowed
Use synonyms
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 Underground to overtake
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Railway
Use synonyms
 as the leading
railway
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 mode for
passengers
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the National
Rail
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network
Use synonyms
's
passengers
Use synonyms
 were roughly around the same at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
. In terms of the Light
rail
Use synonyms
 &
metro
Correct word choice
and metro
show examples
systems
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 remained relatively flat until 1980 when they experienced an increase in demand with constant growths thill the end of the
period
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, taking more
passengers
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 than they
initially
Linking Words
 did at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vanshbisht11 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, systems, period, rail, network, london, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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