IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #authorities
Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
teachers
 or better
computers
 are needed
receiving
Change the verb form
to receive
show examples
 more money for education.
This
 essay will answer that we should spend two equal expenditures on these two things. Nowadays, with the improvement in technology, the internet and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
 are getting smarter, smaller and more
intteractive
Correct your spelling
interactive
. They are powerful
searching
Replace the word
search
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 with their speed, varieties of information and could work at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
, so now the
computers
 can not be lack in school.
On the other hand
, the
teachers
 are very necessary with the students. They could show their children the knowledge in the most effective way.
Also
, they are important
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
, who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a direct impact on the students’ abilities, mind, and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 in future. Take two things in
comparisons
Fix the agreement mistake
comparison
show examples
. In the past, it was hard for
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 to describe or introduce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stange
Correct your spelling
strange
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 from foreign religions, but now they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 use some apps on
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 to show images or videos about that feature. But
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
 can give the information
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 people
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 for them, and sometimes,
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
 can make
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some students confused or stressed because they are suitable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers.
In contrast
, a teacher can gain their students’ emotions and abilities, they could give each student suitable things and find solutions to improve the scores and qualities. From
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
, we
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 see both
teachers
 and
computers
 support each other and have the same positive impacts on learning.
To sum up
, in my opinion, we should spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education on better
computers
 as equal as on
teachers
. The difference is which area the
gorvements
Correct your spelling
governments
 should spend on first to
solce
Correct your spelling
solve
Correct article usage
the education’s
show examples
education’s
Change noun form
education
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in their countries.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: