in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

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In some
contries
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countries

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,
Children
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are told that they can earn everything that they want if they try very hard to get it.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

massage
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message

The word massage doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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has several impacts
in
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on

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children
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’s
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Firstly
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, if parents advise their
children
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by the quote,
this
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is all because they love their kids.
Children
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will become motivated in order to not to give up
easiely
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easily

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in their
life
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.
Moreover
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, they may attempt to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb do appears to be unnecessary here.

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not pay attention to the distracters and focus on their own path.
In addition
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,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

massage
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message

The word massage doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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can not only support their goals, but
also
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can grow a perssistant personality in their
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children
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children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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character.
On the other hand
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, they have to be aware of the fact that they can not always have what they
realy
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really

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want because everything may not happen in the way that we ought to.
Life
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is
unexpectedly
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unexpected

Unexpectedly seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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and challenging. So,
that is
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

why we never become
board
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bored

The word board doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in our lifespan. We should tell them,
if
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that if

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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they don’t achieve what they want, it doesn’t mean that they are not enough or they are stupid.
While
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,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction While. Consider removing the comma.

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it shows that maybe somebody else may deserve that. So, parents should support their
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by saying
the
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apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before both. Consider deleting the article.

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both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides

It seems that side may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of it because nothing is completely ideal in their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. They have to figure out how to handle
life
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by trying different methods and paths to find out the best road to achieve what they dream about in their mind. But, they shouldn’t misunderstand that because it
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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Correct subject-verb agreement
causes

It seems that the verb cause does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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depression and can harm
children
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both mentally and physically. In conclusion, many
children
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all over the world are growing
by
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up by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a sentence which
tell
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tells

The plural verb tell does not appear to agree with the singular subject a sentence. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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them
to
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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not to be
indesesive
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indecisive

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in their way to
achive
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achieve

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their goals and
also
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they say that there would be
to
Correct quantifier usage
more to

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gain if you
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb do. Consider changing it.

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be demanding with yourself. The advantages
are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh

It appears that the form of the verb outweigh does not work with are in this sentence.

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the disadvantages.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encouragement
  • Motivation
  • Determination
  • Work Ethic
  • Persistence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Challenges
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Disappointment
  • Frustration
  • Limitations
  • External Factors
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Health
What to do next:
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