15.Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
It is true that being a famous person,
such
as a movie star or sports star, brings benefits as well as
problems. In this
essay, I will explain why I tend to believe that being a celebrity
has more disadvantages than advantages.
I concede that there are several benefits of being a celebrity
and perhaps the most important one is that it is easy for them to earn a large amount of money. If they advertise for a famous brand, the owner of the brand tends to pay them large amounts of money because of their fame and popularity and this
enables them to attain a lucrative lifestyle and is potentially incredibly beneficial. For example
, Elain Gu, who won the champion
in the 2022 Olympics, was employed by different companies as an ambassador, allowing her to obtain millions of dollars, and Replace the word
championship
this
suggests that being a celebrity
can make money in an easy way.
However
, I feel the negative effects outweigh the positive and the most obvious one is the lack of privacy and freedom for being a famous person. When people become famous, they tend to be followed all the time by the media and their fans, in turn making them cannot live freely by themselves or with their families and friends. What this
does is make it extremely detrimental. Jay Zhou, for instance
, claimed that he could not go to public places since he had become famous. As such
, he cannot lead a normal life, which is why being a famous person has its negative impacts.
In conclusion, I believe that there are some benefits of being a celebrity
, but the drawbacks are obvious as well.Submitted by 15219169 on
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, the explanation of supporting points could be more detailed and developed.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the development of each supporting point is somewhat lacking, affecting overall coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate words and phrases. However, some language choices could be more precise and varied to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some errors in sentence construction and grammar. Greater variety in sentence structures and more attention to accurate grammar usage would improve this aspect.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite