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Writing Samples
Band 6

People nowadays are spending more time at the work place and it is argued this is a problem for family life.To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #work #place #life
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These days, many employees devote more hours to staying in the company in order to finish deadlines on
time
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 and
this
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 phenomenon is considered an issue of family life. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
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 statement since
this
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 issue can cause some negative in family life. The problem that people invest more
time
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 in the workplace compared to at home can be harmful to the quality of relationships between family members.
Firstly
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, especially parents , will lack
time
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 for supervising and caring for their children and over
time
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 kids can feel lonely, and miserable and form bad habits because they do not get enough affection from their parents.
For instance
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, these days many young people are addicted to using digital devices to serve entertainment purposes when their parents are absent.
Secondly
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, when people have to work extra
time
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 and they will go home late,
this
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 can lead to tension in the family.
This
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 is because the workers are exhausted
,
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apply
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 and stressed after a long shift and they want to be alone in the room to recover their mental health.
However
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, if there are any problems and their relatives ask them for help, they can get easily aggressive and angry
due to
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 being tired.
As a result
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, they gradually become isolated and they hardly communicate with their family.
Therefore
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, many conflicts in the family originate from the issue that the family focus too much on work and forgets to care about relationships in the family. In conclusion, it is obvious that with a huge workload that demands more
time
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 to deal with, many employees focus too much on work and forget to take care family and
this
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 can lead to some bad effects on family relationships.
Submitted by tram.vomy on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the introduction by explicitly stating your position on the issue. The conclusion should provide a summary of the main points and restate your opinion. Ensure that all examples and ideas are relevant to the topic and support your position. Consider using connecting words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas and clarify your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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