IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development.

Owing to
globalization
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globalisation
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, there are numerous up-market fashion in every nook and corner. In most cities, youngsters are more inclined to go shopping as their free-time activity. In my opinion, the younger generation is fond of having fashionable dresses
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 is a positive development since it gives
happiness
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 who are in a hectic lifestyle. One of the reasons why young
people
Use synonyms
 are interested in going shopping is
they
Correct word choice
that they
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 are fond of having fashionable dresses. Nowadays, there are significant up-market fashions which lure young individuals compared with
gone
Verb problem
apply
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other days. To be more precise, social media is the foremost reason behind
this
Linking Words
 trend.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 recent research, which was
held
Verb problem
conducted
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 by the Social Department of Sri Lanka, 78% of youngsters have opted for shopping as their
leisure
Use synonyms
 activity
due to
Linking Words
 they said that it brings about
happiness
Use synonyms
 for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can be said that
this
Linking Words
 happens
owing
Verb problem
in order
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 to gain
happiness
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend is a positive development
due to
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 the
young
Punctuation problem
young,
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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in
Change preposition
on
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 a busy schedule because of their studies. So they tend to do
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities with their peers. To be more precise,
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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ultimately ameliorate the immune system. A study shows that
people
Use synonyms
 who
do
Verb problem
engage in
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leisure
Use synonyms
 activities are healthier than
people
Use synonyms
 who do not engage in
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive trend. In conclusion, there are many youngsters who tend to go shopping as their free-time activity in many countries. I would argue that
this
Linking Words
 happens because young individuals are more inclined to have
up-market
Use the right word
upmarket
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 attire
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 is a positive development
due to
Linking Words
happiness
Use synonyms
. It is recommended that parents
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
advise their young children to opt for fashionable dresses when they are going shopping.

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task
Make your main idea clear in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one clear idea with a short topic sentence.
grammar
Improve grammar and sentence form to make meaning clear.
evidence
Use simple, real examples and avoid long, unproved claims.
content
You show a clear view that shopping can be a happy activity.
evidence
Some facts or numbers are used to support your view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • disposable income
  • leisure activity
  • retail therapy
  • local economies
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • waste
  • materialistic
  • cultural activities
  • prominent
  • neglect
  • therapeutic
  • social media influence
  • boost
  • desire
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