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Band 3

Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies.

#violence #playgrounds #parents #children
It is important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to educate their children not to harm others even though they are suffering from bullying, they should ask for help through
right
Add an article
the right
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 path. I highly agree
that
Correct word choice
apply
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that the violence issues are rising . In recent years, the technology equipment has been improving which makes many video games
become
Verb problem
apply
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realistic;
however
, it affects the children’s mental development.
For instance
, playing virtual video games,
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
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voilent
Correct your spelling
violent
 movies and shows make the children emotional. They are easy to get angry with
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
show examples
 which causes many conflicts.
Moreover
, when the kids are harmed by their peers, it would be easy for them to find the same way to revenge. That will be a negative recycle after all.
Conversely
, it is better to use legal solutions
such
 as calling the police or
report
Wrong verb form
reporting
show examples
 to the school secure systems to protect.
On the other hand
, family education and support are both important to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 kids
receiving
Change preposition
from receiving
show examples
 the wrong information and reducing them
imitating
Change preposition
from imitating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media. In conclusion, as the rate of bullies is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
, it is important to educate children not to revenge by fists but
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
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thorough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 with the formal process to protect themselves.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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