IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Today, every age group is playing sports and exercising. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#age #group #sports
It has always been argued that nowadays every person indulges in recreational activities and exercise. The advantages of
this
 notion are more as compared to its disadvantages and
this
 essay shall shed light upon my perspective in subsequent paragraphs. Foremost, why every age group is playing sports and exercising?
This
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 might survive from health ailments. Most individuals join sedentary lifestyles
due to
 the advancement of technology they spend time on social applications
such
 as Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for entertainment and The Call Of Duty, Pub G and many more games
play
Change the form of the verb
played
show examples
 on smartphones.
Consequently
, they face difficulties related to their well-being like obesity, back, and weak eyesight,
these
Capitalize word
These
show examples
 days
people
 love to do outdoor activities in their daily routine which has a favourable impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the humans
show examples
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
body
 with the assistance of
this
people
 can fit in their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
Besides
this
,
People
 who work out are considered
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
healthy as exercising can reduce fat percentage, improve muscle tone, and strengthen the immune system. Paradoxically, the fundamental drawback of doing exercise and playing games is that
people
 can get injured. To elaborate, when
people
 take part in physical activities, they may face minor problems To illustrate, Shoulder
Injuries
, Ankle
Injuries
, Knee
Injuries
 and many more.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that 65% of
people
 do not participate in outdoor games and exercise because they have fear about
injuries
 they know once they get injured, they cannot do work and earn money.
To conclude
,
although
 it has an adverse impact on
people
's health, I personally believe that it gives more merits to the
body
 with
this
people
 can not only improve their
body
 muscle but
also
 their mental health.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: