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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
#process #sugar #cane
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The graph illustrates the process
how
Change preposition
of how
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sugar
 cane
change
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changes
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 to
sugar
 by manufacturing.
Overall
,the process consists of seven steps of various time
length
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lengths
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,changing the
sugar
 canes into
sugar
 ready to use.
First,
sugar
canes
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cane
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 farmed and growing for a period of 12 to 18 months.After growing mature, it is harvested by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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means of two ways, either by hand or by some special vehicles.The third step is that the
ingrediants
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ingredients
 are put into a machine and crushed into
liquid
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a liquid
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 form called juice. The fourth step is to purify the juice through Limestone filters.
Th
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The
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 purified liquid goes through
a
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an
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 evaporator which
put
Add a missing verb
is put
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 on extreme heat in
oder
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order
 to change
liquid
Correct article usage
the liquid
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 into
syrup
.
Then
 the
syrup
 is centrifuged to
seperate
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separate
sugar
 crystals from
syrup
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the syrup
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.After drying and cooling, water in
syrup
 is evaporated and the crystal
leave
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leaves
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at the end
 is
sugar
 which can be packed and ready for sale.
Submitted by huangzijun2293 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, syrup with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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