IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that the government should spend money to create more art such as paintings and statues in cities to make them a better place to live to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #art #paintings #statues #cities #place
It is argued, that the government should spend more budget on public art, to make cities a more enjoyable environment to live in, I partially agree with
this
 opinion, since; I believe paintings, sculptures, live music, performances and other forms of crafts, should be in service of society to be effective.
Firstly
, these days, the idea that artworks only belong to their creators and a special class is quite popular. As, they believe that normal people cannot understand the meaning of their works, and they would not appreciate it.
Therefore
, to consume art, one could only buy tickets and spend a fortune to go to galleries museums
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
.
On the other hand
, artists' work could be extremely helpful in developing society’s culture.
As well as
, simply beautifying the streets, it could be
also
 a highly efficient way to inform people about various issues,
for instance
, raise awareness about equality and human rights, global warming, and several more matters. Taking everything into consideration, the government mostly ought to break the wall between artists and other citizens. By, supporting and helping them to bring their creations to the streets.
Thus
, the most practical way is to finance them, by giving them a generous allocation of money,
besides
, areas that can be used for presentations.
To conclude
, art can be capable of creating a better world for everyone. It does not belong to a specific crowd of intellectuals;
moreover
, it should be accessible to the public, with the consideration and support of the government.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces your stance on the topic, briefly outlining the key points you'll discuss. In your conclusion, succinctly reiterate your position and summarize the main arguments made.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more cohesively through the use of a wider range of transitional phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Enhance your task achievement by providing more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples make your points more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Consider exploring a counter-argument in more depth to show a balanced understanding of the topic. This could involve acknowledging potential drawbacks or limitations of your position before refuting them or reinforcing your own stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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