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Band 6.5

Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the itadvantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

#suggest #people #job #years #school #university #itadvantages
Nowadays lots of students intend to work when they are at school before they prepare to start university life. To some extent, I think there are many advantages for those who get a task at
this
 stage, and I want to discuss both sides of
this
 point. As neither schools nor universities do not teach life skills, from my perspective, it seems an adequate idea to encourage them to find a suitable job at an early age. Somehow, when youngsters walk into a responsible world, it not only makes them ready to be a part of the community but
also
 gives them the confidence to face potential troubles and issues that they will face in future. As there is no instruction for it in the educational system.
In addition
, as they aim to do their career properly they will become more reliable.
Furthermore
, they will be paid and they will find the money worthwhile.
On the other hand
, they will become occupied with extra activity, which influences their marks, and they will get fewer opportunities to study.
Thus
, the impact would be devastating.
Moreover
, what if they engaged with something that was beyond their capability and disappointed them?
Besides
, they may be abused or exploited, because employees might be underpaid them. All things have been considered. So there are many merits and demerits for youth to work amid training levels. In my view, it is a positive action.
Therefore
, I mentioned the pros and cons. Even though, Generally, I am a big fan of
this
 scenario, because It would socialize Individuals ,
also
 will disappear their self-consciousness, etc.
Submitted by reihanetorfe on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates some understanding of the given topic, but the arguments and examples could be more focused and well-developed. Try to address both the advantages and disadvantages in more detail, and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and well-organized structure. It's important to have a clear introduction that introduces the topic and presents the main points, and a conclusion that summarizes the key points made in the essay. Additionally, use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a more cohesive flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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