IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should stay in school until the age of 18. Others suggest that educating till the age of 14 year is enough. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #children #school #age #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that children's
education
Use synonyms
 is necessary until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 14,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others are of the opinion that academic
education
Use synonyms
 must be a force for younger 18 years old
adolecsents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
. I personally believe that students should complete their school and get their diploma before the legal
age
Use synonyms
 and after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they can choose to stop or continue their
education
Use synonyms
. On one hand, supporters of finishing school
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 14 years old have their own reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contomperory
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 society
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 faced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 forces. Most of the pupils are
continueing
Correct your spelling
continuing
 their
education
Use synonyms
 and would become an engineer or
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 in their
future
Use synonyms
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in developing countries
such
Linking Words
 as India and Iran, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents register their children in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
high-quality private
institues
Correct your spelling
institutes
 to force them to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
surgeon
Fix the agreement mistake
surgeons
show examples
 or an
architect engineer
Add a hyphen
architect-engineer
show examples
 in the
future
Use synonyms
. In these
reigons
Correct your spelling
regions
, the younger generations cannot follow their dream
carriers
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 face some complications in the
future
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of professional artists, musicians or even a person who have the ability to fix mechanical things professionally.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think that younger generations should complete their
schools
Replace the word
schooling
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 follow their desires and interests.
For instance
Linking Words
, providing that students leave the academic environment
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 14, the percentage of their success will be significantly decreased. Teenagers do not have enough life experiences
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 14, so they might allocate their worthy
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 to
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
show examples
 out with the wrong individuals, who suffer from drug and
alchohol
Correct your spelling
alcohol
 addiction.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they might face some unpredictable complications, which would lead them not only to a dark
future
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to a hard and problematic one. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
 some groups of individuals think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
14 years old is an appropriate
age
Use synonyms
 for leaving
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, I believe that teenagers must follow the academic world
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18. If students leave their schools soon, they will face numerous unpredictable obstacles.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: