IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The movement of people from villages to cities for work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?

#movement #people #villages #cities #work #places #measures
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Nowadays, is common to move to the main
cities
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, and a lot of people decide to move for work or study,
as a result
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,
this
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 creates unbalance in both areas and creates more traffic and crowds in big
cities
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. The main cause for
this
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 issue, is the capital
cities
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 have different options for young people to work in a variety of sectors. Another problem is that small
cities
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 do not keep up with the changes around the world. that makes life more difficult.
For instance
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, a lot of young people who come from villages in the United States, decide to move to New York or Chicago, to have good opportunities take more chances to study at a good university, or create their own businesses. To tackle these issues,
first,
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local companies have a big part of the responsibility to create more
offer
Replace the word
offered
show examples
 jobs in small towns,
secondly
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, providing incentives for all employees who work in villages, and
finally
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 providing the infrastructure in small towns can make there more attractive for families and individuals.
For example
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, Japan tackles
this
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 issue by distributing the big companies around the country not just in Tokyo, and many countries have done the same thing in recent years.
To sum up
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, the huge movement in recent years from villages to big
cities
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 can cause complex problems
such
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 as crowds and traffic, to solve these issues we must make small towns more attractive by offering a lot of opportunities and incentives and distributing opportunities in many
cities
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 not just at capital
cities
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.
Submitted by reem.b.albalawi on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear structure, but it would benefit from deeper and more comprehensive analysis of the topics. Providing more detailed examples and elaborating on them could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in verb tenses and watch out for minor grammatical errors. For example, "is common" should be "it is common." Using varied sentence structures will also enhance the coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay does a good job of introducing and concluding the topic, making the overall argument clear and easy to follow.
task achievement
The introduction sets up the problem effectively, and the conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and offers a clear solution.
logical structure
The logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the writer's train of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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