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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
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In some countries, the majority of professionals, who have completed their requirements as students, are relocating to places that are more convenient. Many people argue that their careers should be carried out in the same region where their training was received,
however
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 many others consider that everybody could choose freely where to execute their professions. I partially agree with these statements, and I staunchly believe that both sides should be taken into account. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the two positions in detail and give my personal opinion. To start with, many countries offer scholarships in order to give them the best conditions to reach their goals.
This
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 means that the population has leveraged those allowances that the government has proposed.
For example
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, in Colombia, there is a scholarship known as 'Ser pilo
paga
Correct your spelling
page
' in which people who have lived in devastating conditions receive not only a stipend but
also
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 free enrolling fees.
However
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, sociologist research has shown that most of these students decide to move to another country once they have graduated.
Then
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, these are considered unfair behaviours because they should reward the country by working and proposing local cutting-edge tools.
Conversely
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, many others have had to pay high rates for their studies, even by requiring loans which after must be paid, even with higher costs owing the basic amount
in addition
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 to interest.
This
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 means that some societies have to establish their own opportunities
according to
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 their economic status,
nevertheless
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, any allowance has been received.
Besides
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, in many regions, salaries are not enough to supply basic needs.
Therefore
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, students have to move to gain better stipends, and
then
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 pay for the debts that they must acquire
due to
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 lack of opportunities.
To sum up
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, both sides should be considered and carefully evaluated because in some cases the governments should be rewarded for the allowances that were provided,
nonetheless
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, there are many situations where people have to search for work abroad.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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Structure
Try to ensure there's a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which you have generally achieved. You may want to enhance clarity by refining transitions between paragraphs.
Content
Include specific examples to strengthen main points; your mention of the 'Ser pilo paga' program is a good start, yet adding more varied examples can enrich your essay.
Language
To increase coherence, use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This smoothens the reader's journey through your argument.
Task Response
You successfully discussed both viewpoints and gave a personal opinion, which is central to the task.
Evidence Use
Using the example from Colombia to support your argument shows effective use of examples to back up your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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