IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
For decades, breakthroughs in the
food
 sector have been observed among citizens;
however
 ;many folks are wretched with starvation. In
this
 essay, I will answer both questions with
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
appropriate examples.
Firstly
, in
this
 century, we have had
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
show examples
 rise in technology especially in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 sector.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 that way, not only these days people has experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
long
Correct word choice
longer
show examples
 life period than past
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 but
also
 the
earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
 population has increased each year, so powers have to manage societies
food
 supply.
Hence
, they utilize more budget for agriculture.
For instance
, in 1923 after
first
Add an article
the first
a first
show examples
 world war,
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 part of Europe experienced a lack of
food
 resources,
thus
 one million
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 died. So now powers know that agriculture is more important than other sectors. In the same way, if governments tend to manage the meat problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world they would
cooperated
Change the verb form
cooperate
show examples
 with each other and
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 recent
giant
Fix the agreement mistake
giants
show examples
 too.
Researcher
Add an article
The researcher
show examples
 published the latest essay about
food
 errors,
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 first step is that they use
sea
Add an article
the sea
show examples
 water supply to make
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
 ground in the deserts,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 they would utilize
this
 plan in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Africa because not only do they have lots of
deserts area
Fix the agreement mistake
desert areas
show examples
 but they
also
 have starvation problems.
As a result
, scientists will decrease the percentage of hungry people in 5 years. In conclusion, there is a diversity of
food
 production eaten by mammoth swarms;
nonetheless
, a large array of groups still do not
Know
Fix capitalization
know
show examples
 how to struggle with the foodstuff shortage so scientists have to come up with novel approaches to solve
this
 shortcoming as soon as possible.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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