IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#studies #show #crime #rate #education #degrees #criminals #prison
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
 degrees are solutions to lower
crime
 rates. There are a lot of aspects that are being used by
people
 to decrease the criminal rate. Sometimes, giving
criminals
 some knowledge is the best way to reduce it.
This
 condition might be ineffective because it is just impacting
criminals
, not all
people
. If
criminals
 are being educated in
prison
,
this
 will impact
criminals
 only.
People
 outside
prison
 are not being educated either.
This
 condition has only one benefit to
criminals
 themselves, not to all
people
. The
crime
 rate will still be high because the
education
 is being given after
crime
 is affected in society. It can be hard for the judge and the police to manage
this
. When
criminals
 have good manners, they can go outside
prison
 and become good
people
. There are still bad
people
 without a good
education
 in law or legal outside
prison
.
This
 way might be ineffective in handling the
crime
 rate in real
life
. One of the best factors to tackle
crime
 is higher
education
.
People
 will learn how to avoid several problems with
this
 aspect. Teachers or lecturers usually say something true to handle those problems without being involved in
crime
.
Besides
, parents should teach their children about
life
 so they can manage or pick the right path when they are growing up. If youngsters have good knowledge about legal from a young age, they shall stay away from illegal acts.
Then
, the Police should give some awareness to
people
, not only in
prison
 but
also
 to all
people
. The topic of awareness can be comprehensive so it will affect all aspects of
life
.
To conclude
, some negative aspects occur, if
education
 is only given in
prison
. I think the best solution to handle
this
 problem is to give awareness to all
people
 in real
life
. They can feel and sense the good choices in
life
 so
people
 can stay away from
crime
.
Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the points in a more coherent manner to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed fully and provide more specific examples to support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: