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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below provides information about weekly hours worked by Australian men and women in 2012.

The chart below provides information about weekly hours worked by Australian men and women in 2012.
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The given bar graph illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of both sexes in Australia who worked weekly
hours
Use synonyms
 basis in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 was males who worked 20 or above working
hours
Use synonyms
 per week,
conversely
Linking Words
 the highest percentage of females can be seen in the below 20 weekly
hours
Use synonyms
categories
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. Regarding 20 or above
hours
Use synonyms
 per week sections, one-quarter of
men
Use synonyms
 have worked 20-29
hours
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 approximately half of
women
Use synonyms
 have worked in the same
group
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. When it comes to the 30-39
hours
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group
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, one-fifth of gens have worked,
while
Linking Words
 12% of females worked.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 17% of
men
Use synonyms
 can be seen in the 40+
hours
Use synonyms
 working
group
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,
nevertheless
Linking Words
 around half of
women
Use synonyms
 worked 40+
hours
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. Turning to the below 20-
hours
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categories
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, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
women
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 is higher than the
proportion
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 of
men
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 in all
categories
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.
While
Linking Words
 4 % of gens worked 0-10
hours
Use synonyms
, 6% of ladies have worked that amount of time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as is seen in the 11-14
hours
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 per week
group
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, 6% of
men
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 and 8% of
women
Use synonyms
 worked.
However
Linking Words
, approximately the same
proportion
Use synonyms
 of both sexes can be seen in the below 20-
hours
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, hours, categories, men, women, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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