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Band 5

The cost of flying has decreased significantly over the last decade. This has made overseas travel much more accessible. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

#cost #decade #travel #trend
There is an opinion that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be responsible for the
health
 of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own
people
which
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 many have the opposite way of thinking which is well
being
Verb problem
well-being
show examples
 should be taken care of individually. I will be discussing both views and
also
 give my own opinion on
this
 matter.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 is no doubt that
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 physical and mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the citizens
constitute to
Verb problem
contributes
show examples
 greatly to the development of a nation. To be more specific, both the growth of a country and the lives of the
people
 living in that country have a concrete bond and
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 each other.
For example
, if a person's physical and mental
health
 is good
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 means they are likely a candidate
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can contribute positively to the development of society.
Conversely
, if the
law makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
show examples
 sought
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to build an environment where
people
 are easily access to healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 would benefit the
people
 and again have a positive impact on the
government
. So there is a strong connection between the citizens and
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 in terms of
health
.
On the other hand
, pursuing
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
 is
also
 one's own duty and I absolutely
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 notion.
Correct article usage
A healthy
show examples
Healthy
Correct article usage
A healthy
show examples
 way of living is a proactive endeavour
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is the decision of every individual. With all the regulations and facilities to garner optimum
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
, if one decided to only live a sedentary
lifestyle
 with close to
none
Correct quantifier usage
no
show examples
 physical activities or good
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
then
 it would
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to the downfall of one's own
health
. With that rationale,
government
 involvement in the
health
 of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
people
 is only a small part of the puzzle and the most important piece is the involvement of individuals in taking care of their own
lifestyle
. In conclusion, the
government
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 decision to tend to the
health
 of the
people
 in society is a recommended act which reaps rewards in terms of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of the country but to actually build a healthy society, the most crucial involvement is
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own
people
 proactively pursuing an active
lifestyle
.
Submitted by tu.diepminh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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