Some people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Various individuals argue that there could be more advantages to the community if more folks study
business
than history
. In my opinion, I partially agree with the given statement, and I will elaborate on it in this
essay.
On the one hand, nowadays, due to
our economic development, many people are interested in business
more than in history
. Moreover
, most youngsters are not interested in our past. However
, history
is the most important thing for us, which prevents making the same mistakes again. For example
, many years ago, when South Korea was Joseon, Japan invaded Joseon, captured countless people and tortured them. Furthermore
, they took plentiful Joseon citizen's properties, so numerous folks suffered. But, in the present day, Japan denies all of the historical facts. For
this
reason, if we focus more on studying business
than history
, various victims will be forgotten forever, and they cannot receive any compensation from Japan, which is very tragic.
On the other hand
, In the modern age, we connect to other nations, so commerce is a crucial thing in our lives. Besides
, numerous countries rely on tourists, imports and exports so that their economies are developed. For instance
, In South Korea, most Industries rely on exports such
as semiconductors, cars and gadgets. So, they will be taught more folks about business
, which leads to bringing benefits to their country. In addition
, these days, when people get a job at an establishment, they can get a high salary therefore
, plenty of communities want to study commerce more than the historical record.
In conclusion, I partially agree with this
statement. Studying business
has multiple advantages more than history
, especially in the present day. Conversely
, history
is also
a vital thing because it can assist in learning the past as well as
can see. So, we should not give up both categories, and that will be good not only for our societies but also
for global markets.Submitted by livewire53 on
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Task Response
Maintain the balance between expressing personal opinion and presenting arguments supported by examples. This enriches your essay and shows a deep understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to ensure seamless transitions between ideas. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure to develop each paragraph fully. Introduce each main idea, explain it, and then illustrate it with an example. This structure strengthens your arguments.
Task Response
You've provided a clear stance on the topic and thoroughly elaborated on it, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your argument, making your essay cohesive and easy to follow.
Use of Examples
Specific historical and contemporary examples used in your essay make your arguments convincing and engaging