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Writing Samples
Band 9

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an egeing population outweigh the disadavantages?

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Human’'s longevity is better than at any time in the past in many developed nations.
While
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 there are numerous benefits associated with living longer, the drawbacks of
this
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 trend overshadow the positives. A few advantages arise from
this
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 phenomenon. First of all, more older people will let companies have more options in recruitment;
moreover
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, the elderly are often more experienced and have better knowledge than younger workforces.
For instance
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, research focused on enterprise recruitment indicates that the
age
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 group 50-60 has the best performance in the company and they often take crucial positions
such
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 as senior managers. Older people at the
age
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 of 50-60 are often reliable, hard-working, and complain less than other
age
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 groups
On the other hand
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, from my perspective, the negatives of
this
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 phenomenon outweighed the benefits. Because of the availability of older workers; younger are have fewer opportunities for their jobs;
therefore
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, leading to an increase in unemployment.
Furthermore
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, the elderly are incapable of doing highly required physical jobs.
Secondly
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; governments in many countries have to spend more money on medical services for older people. It will come from taxes of younger
age
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 groups and it can turn out to be a financial burden.
For example
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, the US proclaimed
last
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 year that higher taxes workers must pay are
due to
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 increased demand for free medical services for the elderly. In conclusion, as medicine and technology are developed significantly; humans tend to live longer.
However
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,
this
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 trend may have many drawbacks that need governments involved to take it under control.

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Language accuracy
Ensure consistent accuracy in grammar and punctuation to maintain clarity throughout your essay.
Balanced argumentation
Consider balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages to provide a more nuanced perspective.
Example diversity
Enhance your essay by exploring a wider range of examples to support your arguments.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion on the impact of an ageing population.
Understanding
You effectively highlight the costs and benefits of an ageing workforce, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points made in the essay, reinforcing your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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