Many children today are overweight. This is a serious health problem Give the reasons responsible for child obesity and offer solutions to solve this problem.

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Society has undergone massive changes, and one of these is the eating habits of young people. Many
children
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today suffer from being overweight.
This
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is a very serious health concern.
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essay will examine the reasons for child obesity and possible solutions to address
this
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issue. On the one hand, there are multiple reasons responsible for child obesity.
First,
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a poor diet is a huge
problem
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.
While
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dining on fast food,
children
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consume unbelievable amounts of carbohydrates and unhealthy fats.
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, processed foods constitute a large part of their diet.
Second,
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love of technology has resulted in a huge decrease in physical activity. A recent study reported that
children
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today spend about seven hours per day online, creating a sedentary lifestyle.
For example
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,
children
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are not active as they sit in their rooms gaming or on social media.
Finally
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, a lack of knowledge and information is a
problem
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. Parents
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and their
children
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,
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lack health literacy. They lack the proper facts about diet, calories, and child wellness.
On the other hand
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, there is a wide range of solutions to deal with
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problem
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. First and foremost is to change and improve the dietary habits. Eliminating foods that are high in calories and carbohydrates would be a good start.
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, unhealthy processed snacks should be replaced by fruits and vegetables. Next,
children
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should be encouraged to participate in exercise and organised sports. They could join clubs and engage in daily workouts.
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, parents should limit the hours spent on the computer.
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, there needs to be an awakening. Schools need to teach health and wellness courses, informing students of the facts.
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, parents must learn to read labels and be smarter grocery shoppers. In conclusion, it is abundantly clear that childhood obesity is driven by several factors.
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,there are many solutions available to address
this
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problem
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coherence cohesion
Write a fuller end. Your last line is clear, but it is too short. Add one more idea to sum up your main points.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. You already use 'First', 'Second', and 'Finally' well, but a few ideas can flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Give one more clear example for your solutions. This will make your ideas stronger and more complete.
task achievement
Be very careful with small grammar and spacing errors, like 'However,there'. These do not change your ideas, but they can affect the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, so it is easy to follow.
task achievement
You answer both parts of the task: reasons and solutions.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and mostly well explained.
task achievement
You use a good example about children spending many hours online.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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