IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

3. Some people say that the best way to reduce traffic and pollution is the government to increase tax of petrol (gasoline). Do you think there are more benefits or more drawbacks?

#people #traffic #pollution #government #tax #petrol #gasoline
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the most effective way to decrease traffic and pollution problems is for the government should
tax
Use synonyms
 more on petrol. In my opinion, I think
this
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 has more advantages than disadvantages. To start with, there is a significant downside which is the standard of
people
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's living will be decreased because they have the extra bill on petrol
tax
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 to pay if they use their vehicles, so they will not have enough money for other valuable parts of life.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University, 80% of Thai
people
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 are facing financial problems
due to
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 a 30%
tax
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 increase on top of fuel costs. The more
people
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 have to pay more taxes, the more they are struggling and cannot afford to buy good
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
quality things for themselves and their families. Despite the drawbacks, there are more benefits to the countries because the governments will have more funds to investigate or improve other facilities
such
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 as public transportation or hospitals.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the latest news, it was reported that in 2022 the UK government collected 40% more funds from petrol vehicles
tax
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, so they spent those to improve their railway line by extending to the rural areas.
Apart from
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this
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, it is most likely
people
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 are using fewer private cars because of high
tax
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 collection and changing their attitude toward using public
transport
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.
As a result
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 of
this
Linking Words
 fewer cars will be on the roads and public
transport
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such
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 as trains will be more popular among the population because of the extension network to the countryside. To illustrate, from the survey, it was revealed that
people
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 changed their way of commuting to work by 50% choosing public
transport
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while
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 10% of the UK population are investing more in electric cars. The more
people
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 use clean energy vehicles or public
transport
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, the fewer problems with traffic congestion and pollution. In conclusion, I would
therefore
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 argue that
although
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 there are disadvantages to the current trend, they are outweighed by the advantages.
Submitted by patinyajaithan on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a well-rounded understanding of the topic. However, try to use more transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader between paragraphs.
task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of increased petrol tax, try to delve deeper into potential counterarguments or consider alternative solutions more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively. The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which adds to the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
You provided specific examples and statistical data which strongly support your arguments. This enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excise tax
  • carbon footprint
  • sustainable transportation
  • public transit
  • eco-friendly alternatives
  • commuter benefits
  • fuel efficiency
  • environmental levy
  • traffic congestion
  • renewable energy sources
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