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Band 2.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
An increasing number of people are to be
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 overweight. There are controversies
recommend
Wrong verb form
recommended
show examples
 to solve
this
 problem with the increasing of the price fatty food. In my view, I disagree because they can manage their
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 eating pattern and do physical activity will help them to have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ideal body. Fundamentally, They can prevent the body
with choose
Change preposition
from choosing
show examples
 nutrient-rich foods
such
 as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Reduce intake of added sugars, saturated fats, and processed foods. Maintain balanced portions and avoid overeating. Subsequent to that, they have to do physical Activity. Engage in regular exercise, at least 150 minutes per week,
such
 as walking, running, or swimming. Include strength training exercises to strengthen muscles and boost metabolism. Find activities you enjoy to make them a sustainable habit.
To sum up
, to solve the increasing number of overweight , there are 2 stages;
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 what they
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 and doing exercise.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure which could be improved by better paragraph organization and the use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion, but ensure that they clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points of discussion for improvement.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more elaborated arguments or examples for better clarification.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response to the task by directly addressing the prompt and discussing why you disagree with the solution proposed.
task achievement
Work towards expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively by expanding on them and avoiding overly general statements.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments, which will make your essay more persuasive and impactful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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