IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, birth rates are fallling and experts say that by 2050 these countries will have far more adults aged 65 and over than children under 15. What problems might this cause in the future? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

#countries #birth #rates #experts #adults #children #future
Nowadays, there is a trend that shows the falling
birth
rates
 in some countries. It turns out that after three decades from now, these countries will have more elder people than children. On the one hand, the trend leads to several problems.
Firstly
, the declining
birth
rates
 result in decreasing participation in the workforce.
For example
, Taiwan suffers from low
birth
rates
. The proportion of the Taiwanese
population
 is an inverted triangle. There are so many retired people
while
 fewer young
adults
 can work in society.
Moreover
, the ageing
population
 might increase costs to the economy and
health
 services because there is an increasing need
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
health
care
system
. The ageing
population
also
 place
pressure
 on young
adults
 because they need to earn more money to take
care
 of the whole family.
On the other hand
, the ageing
population
 and the declining
birth
rates
 are a negative cycle. Because young
adults
 carry heavy economic
pressure
while
 taking
care
 of the elderly, they have no budget to raise any children. In my opinion, the government plays a vital role in taking
care
 of the elderly in order to release the economic
pressure
 on young
adults
. They should improve the
health
care
system
. Meanwhile, they should
also
 raise the average salary of workers and set up a complete welfare
system
 that provides young
adults
 subsidies and support for new parents in order to boost the
birth
rates
. On the whole, the ageing
population
 leads to the consequences of increasing costs to the economy and
health
 services. What is more, we should stop the negative cycle and boost the
birth
rates
 by releasing the economic
pressure
 on young
adults
while
 improving the poor welfare and healthcare
system
.
Submitted by BeckyJ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic shifts
  • Dependent population
  • Population pyramid
  • Healthcare provision
  • Pension schemes
  • Labor force
  • Economic sustainability
  • Generational equity
  • Immigration policies
  • Fertility incentives
  • Retirement reforms
  • Life expectancy
  • Workforce participation
  • Social security
  • Aging population
  • Birth rates
  • Technological innovation
  • Automated workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays: