IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #attention
Some individuals believe a great tactic of manipulating customers into buying products is
advertisement
. others believe that mass
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 everywhere, which results in people ignoring
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
While
 the former opinion was successful in the past, nowadays advertising does not have the same result. Commercial planning was one of the most revolutionary methods in product selling in recent times. By allowing business owners to bring creativity and strategy into leading customers toward their product, which was a major success.
For instance
, Marlboro, a cigarette and tobacco distributing company paid Hollywood to use their smoking brand in their movies, especially if the main character smoked.
Consequently
, viewers who saw these movies were influenced by their favourite
protagonist
Fix the agreement mistake
protagonists
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. Resulting in an increase in sales in
Marlboro
Correct article usage
the Marlboro
show examples
 brand.
However
,
this
 tactic is not as effective anymore as it used to be. With the rise of social media, commercials found the opportunity to enlarge their platform. Social media
advertisement
 is much cheaper than Hollywood.
Therefore
, many product sellers paid in order to get their
ad
Fix the agreement mistake
ads
show examples
 on the platform.
For
this
 reason, the consumer was much more exposed to all kinds of ads. So people did not care about them at all after some time.
For example
, Instagram, a social media app, contains a lot of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 which are skippable, ،
This
 constant exposure numbed many users, even calling these ads annoying.
This
 clearly had a negative effect.
To conclude
, advertising is an old-fashioned type of system which does not have the same influence as it once had in the past, with people ignoring it
due to
 being excessively exposed to it.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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task achievement
Make sure the introduction clearly states both views and your personal stance to provide a more comprehensive overview.
task achievement
Try to expand your examples with more detailed analysis or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In your conclusion, restate your opinion more strongly to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Consider including a counter-argument to present a more balanced view before stating your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Provided a clear structure that guides the reader through the essay effectively.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support main points.
task achievement
Efficiently addressed both views as demanded by the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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