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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that thia would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #thia #effect #measures
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The question of whether more
facilities
Use synonyms
 dedicated to
sports
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 activities or other solution for improving public
health
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 has
the
Correct article usage
a
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 more significant share of impact on the region’s medical state has ignited fervent controversy among
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is crucial to note the importance of medical breakthroughs and what they have to offer for the well-being of the population, it is my firm belief that a larger number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 is required for the definite improvement
on
Change preposition
of
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, not only physical
health
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, but
also
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 the mental
health
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 of
people
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. The most crucial element to consider in the welfare improvement of
people
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 is the prevention phase. For decades, the norms in any medical-related
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
 has been
best
Correct word choice
better
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 to prevent than to cure. The one and only
system
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 dedicated to
this
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 matter is the immune
system
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built-in
Correct your spelling
built
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 for every
humans
Change to a singular noun
human
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, and the only ones who can actually have any
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
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 on
this
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system
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 are themselves. By partaking in any physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
, the immune
system
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 is improved
overall
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. If more places to participate in
sports
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 were to be added,
people
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will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be motivated to partake in the
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
, leading to the ultimate outcome of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better public
health
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overall
Linking Words
.
Nevertheless
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, proponents of the opposing view argue
with
Change preposition
against
show examples
this
Linking Words
 change in
facilities
Use synonyms
. They contend that there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more to
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ideal welfare state than simply
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
working out more. The importance of pharmaceutical products is simply unable to be ignored, as penicillin has shown back in
20th
Change the article
the 20th
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 century, and the best way to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
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 completion is through funds
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 medicines, placebos, the list goes up.
This
Linking Words
 is a credible point,
however
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, they have failed to acknowledge the dangers behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reliant on medicines. The alternatives for medical products are gonna run out someday as we are trying to cope with the ever-changing diseases
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 to humans on a yearly basis. The solution that actually should be considered, is the dependence on the immune
system
Use synonyms
 that humans already
posessed
Correct your spelling
possess
, the
system
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 they can actually rely on themselves,
instead
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 of the scientists in their laboratory mixing chemicals. It is
the
Change the word
my
show examples
 unwavering opinion of mine that a greater number of
facilities
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 for
sports
Use synonyms
 is the
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
superior option in the debate of public healthcare.
Besides
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 the sole purpose of simply improving physical
health
Use synonyms
, mental
health
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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