You are soon going to spend three months doing work experience in an organisation.Write a letter to the manager of the organisation where you are going to do work experience. In your letter thank the manager for the opportunity to do work experience explain what you hope to learn from the work experience ask some questions about the work experience you are going to do

#three #months #work #organisation #manager #opportunity #hope #questions

Dear Sir or Madam, I am excited to be starting work experience in the ABC bank corporation on 10 October. I would like to express my gratitude to you. I appreciate

this

offer, giving me a chance to gain some insight into the industry, which aligns with my career aspirations.

Firstly

, as I mentioned in my interview, I am strongly interested in the finance industry and taking a position in HR.

Then

I am hoping to build on my soft skills

such

as teamwork, problem-solving and effective communication.

Additionally

, I was wondering if it has been decided which team I will belong to and whether I will have a mentor assigned to me.

Besides

this

, I would appreciate clarification on whether I will be based at a branch in a small town or at the headquarters in the city

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

, as I am considering commuting logistics

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you once again for

this

valuable opportunity. Yours faithfully,

Submitted by shaobo_xu on Tue Jul 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your letter is well-structured, but you can improve the logical flow by ensuring every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, you could link the paragraph about your interest in HR with the one about your skills by mentioning how HR roles can enhance specific soft skills.

task achievement

You may want to be a bit more specific about what exactly you hope to learn or achieve by taking on this work experience, especially in HR. This would give your request more clarity and depth.

task achievement

The tone of the letter is suitable and professional, which is appropriate for addressing a manager.

task achievement

You have done well in thanking the manager and clearly stating the purpose of your work experience.

coherence cohesion

Your greeting and closing are courteous and professionally structured.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

164 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

appreciative
hands-on experience
skill enhancement
networking opportunities
mentorship
organisational structure
company ethos
onboarding process
professional development
collaborative environment
shadowing
logistics
corporate attire
reporting hierarchy
team dynamics

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