IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Discuss both views & give your opinion essay, Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#topic #people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
n
Correct your spelling
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on whether
parents
Use synonyms
 or educational departments are in charge of nurturing teenagers' social well-being. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine both views and explain why I lean towards the former. → intro ok nhé On the one hand, it is a common belief that school is an effective platform for fostering good citizenship.
Firstly
Linking Words
, teachers have been significant contributors to inspiring and developing
children
Use synonyms
’s social skills.
For example
Linking Words
, organizing volunteer campaigns provides a clear example of how students can interact with peers from diverse backgrounds, fostering tolerance and understanding crucial for global citizenship.
Secondly
Linking Words
, educational institutes offer a unique environment which not only cultivates the adolescent’s soft skills but
also
Linking Words
 a wide range of knowledge for future career opportunities including character development, ethics, and social responsibility to impart these values.
For instance
Linking Words
, competition clubs provide annual scholarships to enhance students’ knowledge and discipline skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I do believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 as “primary educators’ are the most effective features
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 youngsters.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, fathers and mothers play a crucial role in forming their
children
Use synonyms
's character and values. From a young age, are the main caregivers and role models for offspring, providing a nurturing and loving environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, within the context of the family unit,
children
Use synonyms
 acquire foundational principles like empathy, respect, and responsibility through firsthand interaction and observation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, guardians can tailor lessons to offer personalized guidance and attention. To be specific, role models ' behaviours can influence their
children
Use synonyms
's emotional intelligence, if
parents
Use synonyms
 experience a strained relationship, their attempts to make an impression can have unintended consequences. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some individuals think that schools are the best places to educate adolescents to be good contributors to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, I firmly believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are the most important
guidance
Replace the word
guides
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
 in all aspects of life.
Submitted by lekaity966 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task, discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. However, ensure that each paragraph comprehensively develops each view with more balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on adding more cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas. Consider using transition words to smoothly guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly indicating your position and summarizing key points.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, particularly the example of volunteer campaigns and family influence on children's character.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • primary educators
  • personalize lessons
  • reinforce good behaviors
  • structured environment
  • social norms
  • socialization opportunities
  • qualified educators
  • diverse group of peers
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • practical scenarios
What to do next:
Look at other essays: