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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the number of magazines sold per person in five countries in 2003 and 2005, with projected sales for 2007. Summarize the information by describing the main features of the charts and making comparisons where appropriate.

The chart below show the number of magazines sold per person in five countries in 2003 and 2005, with projected sales for 2007. Summarize the information by describing the main features of the charts and making comparisons where appropriate.
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This
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the number of
magazines
Use synonyms
 which were sold in five different countries between 2003 and 2005.
This
Linking Words
 chart
also
Linking Words
 has the projected
sales
Use synonyms
 of the
magazines
Use synonyms
 for 2007. In
this
Linking Words
 chart, the countries are named with A,
B
Use synonyms
,
C
Use synonyms
, D and
E
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of the
magazines
Use synonyms
 per person in 2003 was highest in
country
Use synonyms
 A,
B
Use synonyms
 and
C
Use synonyms
 which was around 50 in
country
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
, it is 46.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in 2005, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
magazines
Use synonyms
 were comparatively low i.
e
Use synonyms
. in
country
Use synonyms
 A, it was 43, in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, it was 47 and in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 were 36 which is slightly lower than in 2003. Within these 3 countries, the projected
sales
Use synonyms
 for 2007 were always lower than the previous
sales
Use synonyms
 record i.
e
Use synonyms
.
sales
Use synonyms
 of 2005 because the slope of the
sales
Use synonyms
 was coming downwards from 2003 to 2005.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
 D, the number of people who purchased
magazines
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lesser in 2003 i.
e
Use synonyms
. 18 but the
sales
Use synonyms
 went upward in 2005 i.
e
Use synonyms
. 20.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the projected
sales
Use synonyms
 for 2007 were higher comparatively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
E
Use synonyms
 has very few
sales
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
 there is no specific pattern of slope. In 2003, the
sales
Use synonyms
 were 3. In 2005, it was a little bit higher and
then
Linking Words
 the projected
sales
Use synonyms
 were equal to the
sales
Use synonyms
 of 2003.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "therefore".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words magazines, sales, b, c, e, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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