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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.

#people #leisure #time #activities #mind #word #puzzles #rest
it is generally accepted that we all need leisure
time
 to recover from the stresses of
work
 and everyday life. Personally, I prefer to be active during
this
time
, as I think
this
 suits me better.
However
, what we do with our leisure
time
 is up to us and no one can say that any particular activity is the best. Some
people
 relax by watching movies, reading or surfing the internet.
People
 who have physically demanding jobs may choose these types of activities. If you are a nurse or builder, you may feel that you don’t want to do a five-kilometre run after
work
, because you are already physically tired. Other
people
 do very sedentary jobs. Computer analysts,
for example
, may spend all day sitting in front of a computer screen.
At the end
 of the working day, they may be keen to stretch their limbs and improve their health by swimming or going to the gym. Another factor that influences our choice of leisure pursuit is where we
work
.
People
 who
work
 indoors often prefer outdoor hobbies,
whereas
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
people
 who
work
 outdoors, the reverse may be true. I am a student myself and
this
 involves a lot of sitting in lectures, so I need to get out into the fresh air afterwards. In any situation, the important thing is that
people
 need to stay healthy by choosing what is best for them. The only wrong way to spend free
time
, in my view, is to have a sedentary job and
then
 go home and watch television.
Submitted by kenkin1122 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompts provided. While your essay discusses the importance of leisure activities, it could benefit from a clearer stance or argument regarding the mind-improvement activities versus rest debate. Consider explicitly stating your view and supporting it with more direct comparisons or contrasting examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by linking ideas more explicitly between paragraphs. While your essay has a logical flow, using more varied transitional phrases could enhance the reader's understanding of the relationship between ideas. Also, consider adding a concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes your argument or stance, reinforcing the essay's overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
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