IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is the resposibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Diacuss both views and give your opinion.

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People
Use synonyms
 have different points of view when it comes to healthcare, there are two different opinions on
this
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. The first opinion states that each individual is responsible for taking care of their health.
On the other hand
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, the other group likes to put all the burden on the governments. In my opinion, I agree with the first point of view, and in
this
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 essay, I will outline the main ideas and reasons to support it.
Firstly
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, adopting a healthy lifestyle may reduce the risk of having diseases in many ways. As the
governments’
Change noun form
government’s
show examples
 role is to aware citizens, governments cannot force
people
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 to improve their lifestyles. Citizens should focus on their own lifestyle and health by being active throughout the day, having a good diet and doing some kind of sport.
For example
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, cutting out sugar would reduce the risk of having diabetes.
That is
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 why I think that individuals should really work hard to find their own lifestyle that would benefit their health.
Secondly
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, if we are going to talk about the government, we cannot slip their crucial role in keeping
people
Use synonyms
 aware of different diseases and how to stay away from them. Spreading knowledge across the country is a very essential step that should be taken by the government.
For instance
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, increasing the awareness of
people
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 about diabetes can help individuals to change their lifestyles the right way. In conclusion, we must be aware that in order to have a healthy community, both the governments and citizens should cooperate with each other because the two sides are in charge of it. but
people
Use synonyms
 should work hard on themselves and take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
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of improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their lifestyles.

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language
Ensure you use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to show a broader range of language skills.
development
Expand on your main points with more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your argument.
depth
Avoid repeating simple ideas and try to present a more nuanced perspective that addresses potential counterarguments.
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion which provide a good structure for your argument.
clarity
The main points in the essay are clearly stated and relevant to the topic.
cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases helps the essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
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