IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Due to globalization, many countries lose their traditions and national values. Some people think it is the responsibility of governments to protect these values. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 neoliberal era, people tend to be influenced by the globe, where some native cultures and practices have been deceased,
due to
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 the influences of Western culture. I strongly believe that the ritual practice is the effort of the community, and support from the government remains needed.
To begin
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 with, the responsibility of the arts and traditions is crucial to have support from the authority, from my personal view the method of society and understanding the ritual are equally important for the population.
For example
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, for Islamic , experiencing the importance of Ramadan is significantly important for their spiritual connection.
This
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 habit is making the followers rethink food and hunger.
Subsequently
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, the community who followed
this
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 ritual had more ideology about food and didn't take the resources for granted.
On the other hand
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, diverse cultures and practices are essential to have the support of advocacy from the local authorities.
In contrast
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, authority does play a vital role in a cultural festival, as it supplies the venue, security, aid, equipment and others.
Likewise
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,
this
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 event will help the community have a
further
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 understanding of the ritual tradition and embrace the routine with the public.
This
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 is where the population build their connections which can help the nation to improve its health and well-being.
To sum up
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, the responsibility for the loss is not entirely on the government's side of roles.
Consequently
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, the communities and local bodies are the public that contributed the most to advocate for the rights of the ritual routine with celebrations and inclusions of the society. I reiterate that the public and authority share the same load of responsibility towards local diversity and culture.

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coherence cohesion
You have managed to maintain a fair level of coherence within your essay by discussing relevant points to the topic. To improve, ensure logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary, as well as structuring your paragraphs in a more organized manner. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument.
task achievement
You provided a response to the task; however, it could be improved by offering a more explicit position in the introduction and making sure your conclusion directly reflects upon the assertion made. Bringing in more relevant examples to support your points will enhance your score for task achievement. Be sure to fully develop your ideas to ensure clarity and depth.
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