IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some young people go to college or university to have a successful career path. Others, however, choose to go straight to work to gain real life experience after high school. Discuss both views and write your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #college #university #career #path #work #gain #life #school
Owing to a quality of
life
, many people tend to have revenue sources. It is believed that tertiary
education
 brings about lucrative careers,
while
 others argue that after secondary
education
 it is better to have a job in order to garner
life
 experience. In my opinion, a
university
education
 may widen many doors.
However
,
life
 experience from working in industry cannot be neglected. There are significant advantages of having tertiary
education
, namely white-collar
jobs
 and knowledge.
Firstly
, it can be said that a
university
education
 bestows quality
education
 that can influence lucrative
jobs
such
 as management positions, engineers, and doctors.
Secondly
, universities provide a colossal amount of knowledge about varied kinds of sectors to their students.
Furthermore
, after graduation, students will have competitive knowledge.
For instance
, recent research, which was held by the Ministry of Social Affairs reveals that 78% of white-collar
jobs
 were granted to individuals who obtained
university
 degrees.
Hence
,
it is clear that
 after graduation, the youngest can have better
jobs
.
On the other hand
, there are some merits to obtaining a
career
 after high school
education
. It can be said that by engaging with the
career
 industry young generation can gain many
life
 experiences
such
 as managing their money and time and interacting with others.
This
 experience ultimately influences their lives.
Moreover
, if an individual engages in a working environment it will ameliorate their skills.
For example
, a study shows that 67% of people who are engaging in a
career
 without a
university
 degree have a better personality than those who have a degree.
Therefore
, there are some benefits of opting for work without going to
university
. In conclusion, some would argue that after
university
education
 can have a better job,
while
 others argue that after secondary
education
 children can gain
life
 experiences from
career
 pathways. I believe that a
university
education
 may broaden many opportunities. It is recommended that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governmental intervention in the
education
 sector is a need of the day and the state should cater to job opportunities to mitigate the unemployment rate.
Submitted by nadee.document on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay adequately addresses the given topic, presenting both views and providing a clear opinion. The arguments are relevant and well-supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, but improvements can be made in the introduction and conclusion. Cohesive devices could be used more effectively to improve the flow of ideas and transitions between paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: