Some young people go to college or university to have a successful career path. Others, however, choose to go straight to work to gain real life experience after high school. Discuss both views and write your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #college #university #career #path #work #gain #life #school

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Owing to a quality of

life

, many people tend to have revenue sources. It is believed that tertiary

education

brings about lucrative careers,

while

others argue that after secondary

education

it is better to have a job in order to garner

life

experience. In my opinion, a

university

education

may widen many doors.

However

life

experience from working in industry cannot be neglected. There are significant advantages of having tertiary

education

, namely white-collar

jobs

and knowledge.

Firstly

, it can be said that a

university

education

bestows quality

education

that can influence lucrative

jobs

such

as management positions, engineers, and doctors.

Secondly

, universities provide a colossal amount of knowledge about varied kinds of sectors to their students.

Furthermore

, after graduation, students will have competitive knowledge.

For instance

, recent research, which was held by the Ministry of Social Affairs reveals that 78% of white-collar

jobs

were granted to individuals who obtained

university

degrees.

Hence

it is clear that

after graduation, the youngest can have better

jobs

On the other hand

, there are some merits to obtaining a

career

after high school

education

. It can be said that by engaging with the

career

industry young generation can gain many

life

experiences

such

as managing their money and time and interacting with others.

This

experience ultimately influences their lives.

Moreover

, if an individual engages in a working environment it will ameliorate their skills.

For example

, a study shows that 67% of people who are engaging in a

career

without a

university

degree have a better personality than those who have a degree.

Therefore

, there are some benefits of opting for work without going to

university

. In conclusion, some would argue that after

university

education

can have a better job,

while

others argue that after secondary

education

children can gain

life

experiences from

career

pathways. I believe that a

university

education

may broaden many opportunities. It is recommended that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

governmental intervention in the

education

sector is a need of the day and the state should cater to job opportunities to mitigate the unemployment rate.

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task response

The essay adequately addresses the given topic, presenting both views and providing a clear opinion. The arguments are relevant and well-supported with examples.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, but improvements can be made in the introduction and conclusion. Cohesive devices could be used more effectively to improve the flow of ideas and transitions between paragraphs.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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