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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some young people go to college or university to have a successful career path. Others, however, choose to go straight to work to gain real life experience after high school. Discuss both views and write your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Owing to a quality of
life
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, many people tend to have revenue sources. It is believed that tertiary
education
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 brings about lucrative careers,
while
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 others argue that after secondary
education
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 it is better to have a job in order to garner
life
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 experience. In my opinion, a
university
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education
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 may widen many doors.
However
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,
life
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 experience from working in industry cannot be neglected. There are significant advantages of having tertiary
education
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, namely white-collar
jobs
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 and knowledge.
Firstly
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, it can be said that a
university
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education
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 bestows quality
education
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 that can influence lucrative
jobs
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such
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 as management positions, engineers, and doctors.
Secondly
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, universities provide a colossal amount of knowledge about varied kinds of sectors to their students.
Furthermore
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, after graduation, students will have competitive knowledge.
For instance
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, recent research, which was held by the Ministry of Social Affairs reveals that 78% of white-collar
jobs
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 were granted to individuals who obtained
university
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 degrees.
Hence
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,
it is clear that
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 after graduation, the youngest can have better
jobs
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some merits to obtaining a
career
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 after high school
education
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. It can be said that by engaging with the
career
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 industry young generation can gain many
life
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 experiences
such
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 as managing their money and time and interacting with others.
This
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 experience ultimately influences their lives.
Moreover
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, if an individual engages in a working environment it will ameliorate their skills.
For example
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, a study shows that 67% of people who are engaging in a
career
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 without a
university
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 degree have a better personality than those who have a degree.
Therefore
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, there are some benefits of opting for work without going to
university
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. In conclusion, some would argue that after
university
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education
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 can have a better job,
while
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 others argue that after secondary
education
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 children can gain
life
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 experiences from
career
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 pathways. I believe that a
university
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education
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 may broaden many opportunities. It is recommended that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governmental intervention in the
education
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 sector is a need of the day and the state should cater to job opportunities to mitigate the unemployment rate.

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the given topic, presenting both views and providing a clear opinion. The arguments are relevant and well-supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, but improvements can be made in the introduction and conclusion. Cohesive devices could be used more effectively to improve the flow of ideas and transitions between paragraphs.
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