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Writing Samples /
Band 1

Young people who commit crime should be punished the same way as adults who commit crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #adults
Nowadays, young
people
 have many changes to approach
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media, so they can
easy to
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easily
show examples
 make guilties. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
this
 problem
which
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in which
show examples
 young
people
 should be punished
similar
Change the adjective
similarly
show examples
with
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to
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 adults when they have guilties.
Firstly
, An argument against the
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of commit would be the lack of
responsible
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responsibility
show examples
 for young
people
, which means they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not enough abilities to take
controll
Correct your spelling
control
their
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of their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It is because almost
us
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apply
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when we were young,
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our parent
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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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take
Wrong verb form
took
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 care
and
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of and
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try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 to ignore
outside
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the outside
show examples
 world with us.
For instance
, a young
men
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man
show examples
 will
tends
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tend
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 to do things that he
wanted
Wrong verb form
wants
show examples
, it can be failed to compare with laws in that country. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, we should not
take
Verb problem
apply
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punished
Wrong verb form
punish
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
 because
they
Add a verb
arethey
werethey
show examples
 still young.
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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