You recently visited a local sports club and found some issues with the facilities. Write a letter to the manager of the sports club. In your letter: - Explain why you visited the club - Describe the issues you found - Suggest improvements

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Dear Customer Service Manager, I hope
this
Linking Words
email finds you well. I am reaching out to complain about the lack of facilities
such
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as running
machines
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, mats, and shower rooms. My friend and I went to your gym at 3 Richmond Rd on Friday, May 6th. Since I plan to take a picture of my body profile in August, I wanted to do a workout to improve my body shape.
Then
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my friend, who has a membership in your K gym, recommended that I join.
Hence
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, I visited the K gym to register and
use
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various
machines
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.
However
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, when I got there, most of the
machines
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, including the ones that were running, were not working properly.
Therefore
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, most members had to wait approximately 2 hours to
use
Use synonyms
the
machines
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, which was extremely uncomfortable.
In addition
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, there is a lack of equipment,
such
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as mats and dumbbells.
Hence
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, we had to argue with others who wanted to
use
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that equipment. Because of
this
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, I was disappointed with your facilities compared to your centre's Google review. To solve
this
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matter, I would like to suggest some solutions.
First,
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I believe that you should install more
machines
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to make people feel comfortable.
Moreover
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, if the
machines
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are not available to
use
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, please make sure to attach 'not working' labels to notify.
In addition
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, I would like to suggest installing more shower rooms, which are urgently necessary. I am looking forward to hearing good news from you soon. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me by email.  Thank you. Yours sincerely, Gemma Jin.

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task response
Task response: You answer all parts of the task, but some reasons are not very clear. Say your main reason in a simple way.
task response
Task response: Your tone is mostly fine, but "argue with others" sounds a bit strong. Use a calm, polite style.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. But some linking words are used too much, like "hence" and "moreover". Use simpler links.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The second paragraph mixes your reason for going and details about joining.
task response
Task response: You cover why you visited, what problems you found, and how the club can improve.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter is easy to follow and has clear paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your greeting and closing are correct for a formal letter.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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