IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowdays many people go shopping for leisure, What are the advantages and disadvantages for individuals and society? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#nowdays #people #leisure #individuals #society
It has always been argued that these days
people
 prefer to go shopping to utilize their spare
time
.
This
 will not only elucidate the drawbacks of
this
 notion but
also
 my opinion in subsequent paragraphs. Foremost, the fundamental demerit of spending their leisure
time
 shopping is that
people
 may become extravagant. Nowadays humans love to go shopping in their spare
time
 to utilize their
time
 with
this
 they purchase things which are not useful for them and it is a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of money.
Besides
this
,
people
 should consume their
time
 on necessary things when they have
day
Add an article
a day
the day
show examples
 off from their school or office with the assistance of
this
 they might learn what is the value of
time
 in their lives.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that 65% of the population prefer to
do
Correct your spelling
go
show examples
 shopping in their free
time
although
 they have all the goods which they need, they invest recklessly in
this
 they have been falling into financial crises. Paradoxically,
according to
 me, spending leisure
time
 purchasing products or clothes is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
stress
Correct article usage
the stress
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 mind. To elaborate, in
this
 contemporary era,
people
 have hectic schedules as they want to earn
hige
Correct your spelling
high
 amounts of money for their later stage of life, but it has a negative impact on
people
's mental health, so human beings love to use their capital on things rather than money it is not only enjoyable activity but
also
 gives satisfaction to humans.
For example
, an article published by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 45% of the citizens spend their holidays purchasing items from the market because it works as a stress buster.
To conclude
, despite the disadvantages of
this
 ,phenomenon there is an advantage
people
 live better lives if they go shopping in their spare
time
.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: