IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Social media helps people to keep in touch with friends and stay on top of news and events. Do you think the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #people #touch #friends #news #events
The social platform aids individuals to socialise with friends and be informed. I am completely convinced that the advantages of
this
 outweigh its disadvantages. The main benefit of
this
 is
people
 might be open-minded and the main drawback is that
people
 might reduce their
time
. One of the principal advantages of social
media
 is that
people
 might be sociable because nowadays being confident and having a wide range of friends is playing a key role.
Therefore
, social platforms give the opportunity to make friends online rather than face-to-face. Nowadays, the
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 population of our world use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more
Instagram
 because it is comfortable and
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
it is not difficult.
Therefore
, the public who uses and communicates with
Instagram
 regarding open-mined and hilarious
people
, because
Instagram
 gives vast
information
 which
people
 receive with a piece of cake. The researcher in the USA showed the result of
people
 who used
Instagram
 and were sociable, they were approximately 70 % in 2015.
However
 public should not concentrate on social platforms because they have work or family. One of the main disadvantages of using social
media
 is community might have problems with their private life because of
time
 management. Nowadays, a lot of majority of
people
 spend their
time
 on social
media
,
therefore
 they reduce their
time
 which can lead to unexpected issues.
Firstly
, social
media
 very dangerous platform because it contains a wide range of good and bad
information
. Unfortunately, most teenagers use them to receive bad
information
,
such
 as committing crimes or bullying
people
.
However
, the public should concentrate on their family or hobbies rather than on social platforms which might reduce their
time
.
Moreover
,
time
 and using
time
 properly play a vital role because if
people
 have free
time
 they should do beneficial things,
such
 as read a book or receive valuable
information
. The statistics of the UK showed that 80 % of the population did not use social
media
 and were the smartest
people
. In conclusion, the usage of social
media
 might lead to health problems even though
people
 might be sociable,
therefore
 professor from Russia recommended using social
media
 in their free
time
.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instantaneous communication
  • geographical barriers
  • information hub
  • breaking news
  • educational content
  • professional networking
  • industry experts
  • community support
  • privacy infringement
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • mental wellbeing
  • social comparison
  • online validation
  • cyberbullying
  • detriments
  • vulnerable individuals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: